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Desperate book study, Chapter 3

19 Feb

I continue to glean really good things from this new book. Sarah Mae is extremely honest and vulnerable. I like that kind of writing. I like that she doesn’t have it all figured out and is now offering advice on how we can “do it right.”   In fact, chapter 3, “formulas don’t always work” she confesses how she thought she knew everything and how to “do it right,” for a while anyway. Then by experience, she learned that her daughter, Caroline,  “was not going to fit in any box. There would be no pat answer for how to raise and discipline her.”  

She refers to her girl as “out of the box” instead of labeling as ‘stubborn’ or ‘strong-willed’. With older kids now, I can see how terribly important this is, not label your kids. I think when they are little, it’s easy to say or talk about them in this way (stubborn, strong willed, etc), since they don’t understand your words. However, there will be a day when they will understand your words. What affect will our words have on them?

Our first Prayer card!

I remember a time in our early years here in Slovakia, Emili was taking violin lessons, she was 6 or 7. I was speaking (in Slovak) to her teacher, he was encouraging me to practice more, to get the fingering. I went on to explain how that when Emili was young she had an accident that left her “behind” in skills. It was a story I had told many times.

Weeks later, she was trying to do something. I don’t remember even what it was,  only her response. She repeated back to me (in English) exactly what she heard me say about her “behind in skills.” She believed she would never be able to do this thing she was trying, so she gave up. My heart sank. How could I have been so stupid! I confessed it and begged God to redeem this mess I had made. Lesson learned. Hard.

So it’s better, from the start to see them how God made them, truly unique and this doesn’t have to be seen as a negative thing.

Sarah Mae warns how “formulas don’t create guilt, but failing to get the desired result from following formulas most certainly can lead to horrible feelings of inadequacy and guilt.”

When I had little ones and when i was preparing to be a mom. I read a lot. I appreciated the ideas and advice from other moms (and dads) who had already gone through it. It was so helpful in preparing me what to expect and giving me ideas of how i can better handle it. The idea Sarah Mae is introducing here (and maybe it was in all my other books and I just missed it) is that each child is different.  What works for one child, may not work for the next. and that doesn’t mean that we have done something wrong, or that something is wrong with my child. God has created each of them unique and formed by His perfect design. We as parents get the privilege of figuring that out. So we mustn’t’ get bogged down in implementing plans and “formulas”. Books are good. Advice is good, but hold them loosely, and consider each child individually.

Another warning about formulas comes from Sally.  We can become enslaved to these formulas and then start listening to all the voices in our head when our formula fails. not a good pattern.  On her blog, she even asks the question: will we live by formulas or faith?

“It is vitally important for women to learn how to think biblically for themselves instead of being enslaved to other people’s thoughts and opinions. To truly follow God with everything in our lives, we must learn to develop discernment”

God speaks to me. He will give me wisdom and discernment. And hey, it may even come through a book, or a friend, but most importantly it will come from Him.

 “A mom is exactly the person that her children need: God created it to be that way! A happy mom who is secure in herself and at ease in her life is a rare gift that children love and appreciate.”

Chapter 3, a must read for all moms!

 
 

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