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Desperate Book, chapter 4

26 Feb

 

I like this chapter a lot. It’s humbling. It gives me compassion for my children and it shows me that I am the same as my children in [at least] one way, full of sin.

I know this in my head of course, but probably my day to day life and schedule doesn’t model it so well. I am the parent. I am the one to lead and discipline them. I think it is easy to fall into a “prideful” authoritative posture with my children. But the reality is that I need daily leading and discipline as well. This doesn’t always (most always) feel very good.

I think when I am able to understand Sarahmae’s  point, “There is a darkness in each of us that bends toward rebellion,”  (and that means me too) then I have more compassion when it comes to patience, understanding and discipline for my children. My love is easier shown when that compassion is there.

I don’t have to think long for an example. Yesterday, I was in the kitchen with the girls preparing supper. We were having a good time. Music up loud, plenty of time, knocking things out. Happy. A few things happened that “ruffled my feathers” concerning the boys not playing well together upstairs. One harsh word led to another between all of us and our fun, good, happy time went totally south. all. because. of. me. Did I have valid points about the situation? yes. Did I communicate them well? no. How can it go from one extreme to the other so quickly?

It’s not very often that I can see my fault in something, so quickly.  Maybe this book is really helping me, because this time, it didn’t take long. I saw it. It was ugly and nasty and dark. and yet in that ugliness, God spoke to me, convicted me, that quick:  I am wrong.  Now what am I going to do about it?

I turned the music off, look my kids in the eyes and said, “I’m sorry.”  “I’m sorry I lost it. I was angry at how you are treating each other.  Your not being kind or loving with your words to each other and especially to me, and it made me angry. It wasn’t right for me to treat you the same, please forgive me.” And you know what? Something new happened. My kids immediately and genuinely said they were sorry for their part, and even for being disrespectful to me. They for sure saw my sin and to hear me say “I’m sorry”, really seemed to make a difference.

A quote that sticks out to me from this chapter is from Sally’s husband (to Sally) when she was frustrated that she wasn’t making any progress with her children, he said, “at what age did you stop sinning? Because that’s when our children will stop.”

Ouch.

Sarahmae adds to that, ““What a strong reminder that our children struggle just like we do. They have to fight the ugly in themselves and it’s not fun for any of us.”

“We [moms] sin. We complain. We rebel. We scream. We hurt. We are human, born with a sin disease swimming through our being, just like our babes.”

my life, it’s Romans 7:15-20:

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

 

Thank goodness, Romans 7 isn’t all. how hopeless would that life be? On her blog, Sarahmae says it well:

We see the holes, but God sees the holy.

And when I look at my babies and I see the holes I know how much they need Jesus, the only One who can turn holes into holy, and when He does that, game changer.. . . .

He never stops, He never quits me, and He never brings up my holes.

He nurtures me, gently leads, and is so very, very kind.

And this is how I want to be to my children: nurturing, kind, understanding…I will lead them in the every day of choices and life and faith, but all of it is really just a leading to the cross.

Thank you Sarahmae and Sally, well said!

 

 
 

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  1. Ken Pitcher

    26 February, 2013 at 8:46 pm

    Kim,

    Loved this entry, and also needed to hear what both you and Sarah said.

    Blessings to you, and good to ‘hear your voice’ in these words.

    Ken

     
  2. Kim

    27 February, 2013 at 7:16 am

    thank you for your words, ken!